Pic by Free Bible Images. Article by Joel Muddamalle. https://humbletheology.muddamalle.com/p/the-five-lies-of-identity-henry-nouwen?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=1360646&post_id=160083238&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=5g77mb&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email
Finding Truth in a World of Deception
The Identity Crisis We All Face
Who are we? Who are we supposed to be? What happens when the idea of who we want to be doesn’t line up with the actuality of who we are? This disconnect often leads to personal chaos, anxiety, and deep feelings of discontentment. So it’s natural to try to resolve this tension by determining our identity. The problem occurs when we determine our identity based on external realities rather than internal truths.
We live in a culture obsessed with identity. From personality tests to career choices, from social media profiles to relationship status—everything pushes us to define ourselves. Yet despite all these tools and platforms, many of us still struggle with a fundamental question: Who am I, really?
I really appreciate how Henri Nouwen, the renowned spiritual writer, gives us warning in this area. With profound insight, he identified five common lies about identity that can derail our understanding of who we truly are.
The Five Lies That Distort Our Identity
Henri Nouwen warns us of five lies of identity:
- I am what I have
- I am what I do
- I am what other people say or think of me
- I am nothing more than my worst moment
- I am nothing less than my best moment.
Each of these lies seems reasonable on the surface. After all, our possessions, our actions, others’ opinions, and our significant moments do shape our lives. But when they become the foundation of our identity, they lead us away from truth and into instability.
Let’s look at how these lies played out in the lives of biblical characters, and how they might be present in our own lives today.
Biblical Examples of Identity Struggles
Ananias and Sapphira: The Lie of Possession (I am what I have)
Ananias and Sapphira have a moment to be honest about their possessions and their generosity. Instead, they seem to care much more about their possessions and keep a portion for themselves while lying about it (Acts 5:1-11).
This lie manifests in our lives when we believe our worth is tied to what we own. We think, “If I just had that house, that car, that job title, that relationship status—then I’d be somebody.” We fear losing our possessions because we fear losing ourselves. Our identity becomes as volatile as the stock market when it’s built on what we have.
Zacchaeus: The Lie of Profession (I am what I do)
Zacchaeus is identified as the “chief tax collector.” A position of power and authority that made him very rich, as Luke 19 describes. Would Zacchaeus allow what he did to impact who he served and followed? As a tax collector, his allegiance was to the Roman Kurios/lord Caesar. But in Luke 19, Zacchaeus calls Jesus Kurios/LORD.
This lie infiltrates our thinking when we can’t separate our work from our worth. We introduce ourselves by our job titles. We feel lost during career transitions or retirement. We push ourselves to burnout because we believe our productivity determines our value. But what happens when we can no longer do what we’ve always done? This lie leaves us with a fragile foundation.
Paul: The Lie of Past Failures (I am nothing more than my worst moment)
Paul (Saul) may have been tormented by the fact that he was the instigator and initiator of Stephen’s murder, the first Christian martyr (Acts 7:58, 8:1). How could God possibly use someone with such a dark past?
This lie tricks us into believing we are forever defined by our failures, sins, or traumas. The shame of past mistakes becomes a prison that keeps us from experiencing grace and new beginnings. We think, “If people really knew what I’ve done, they would reject me”—and so we reject ourselves first.
Peter: The Lie of Others’ Opinions (I am what other people say or think of me)
Peter may have been horrified by his impulse to compromise for the sake of what others thought of him when he denied Jesus three times (Luke 22:54-62). His fear of others’ opinions temporarily overshadowed his commitment to Christ.
In our social media age, this lie has amplified power. We count likes, follows, and comments as evidence of our worth. We carefully curate our public image while hiding our true selves. We become chameleons, changing our colors to blend in with whatever crowd can validate us. But external validation is an addiction that never satisfies.
James: The Lie of Achievement (I am nothing less than my best moment)
James, the disciple of Jesus, along with his brother John, once sought positions of honor in Jesus’ kingdom (Mark 10:35-37). They wanted their identities to be defined by their special status and achievement.
This lie convinces us that we must always live up to our greatest successes. We become perfectionists, fearing we’ll disappoint others if we can’t maintain our peak performance. We resent aging, limitation, or ordinary seasons of life because they don’t match our highlight reels.
Replacing Lies with Truth
You and I will often find ourselves captivated by these lies at various times in our lives. When the lie is being whispered to us, maybe even shouted at us in some seasons, we need truth.
For each of these lies, there is a brilliant truth:
- Truth #1: All that I have comes from Christ Jesus. So I can give with generosity because Christ has given generously to me.
- Truth #2: I don’t have to worry about “doing” because Christ has done all that was needed to be done on the cross.
- Truth #3: I am what God says of me, and that is the only thing that matters.
- Truth #4: My relationship with God is safe and secure even in the midst of my very worst moments.
- Truth #5: I rejoice in all that God has done for me in my very best moments, without attaching my worth to these achievements.
Identity Found in Christ Alone
My identity is what I have in Christ—salvation and freedom from sin and death.
Here is the good news: I don’t have to work to achieve my identity. I work from the identity I have in Christ Jesus.
When we understand that our true identity is found in being children of God, beloved and chosen, everything changes. We can enjoy our possessions without being owned by them. We can work diligently without deriving our worth from our productivity. We can receive criticism without being crushed and praise without being puffed up. We can acknowledge our failures without being defined by them and celebrate our successes without idolizing them.
In Christ, we are free from the exhausting cycle of proving ourselves. We are held secure by a love that doesn’t fluctuate based on our performance or others’ opinions. In this truth, we find not just our identity, but our peace.
Amen.
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